and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
