Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
