Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Text me some of your sweat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
