I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
