Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
