You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
