How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
