I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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