if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
