i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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