I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
