why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
