I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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