The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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