If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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