1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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