he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
