I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
