come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
