Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
