clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
