If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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