READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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