I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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