don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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