I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
