false alarm. still invincible.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
