dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
