Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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