You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
