im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
