I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
