the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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