nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
