when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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