Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
