Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
