Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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