I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
