Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
