Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
