when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
MIDGETS
????
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just gargled with NyQuil
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
