who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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