I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I pour the whiskey from now on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
