Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
