Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
