dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
