I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
