it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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