ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
