My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
