Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
