im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
