Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
